On Learning Not to Just Get Sad and Quit

Two days ago I put my Brave Women Poster up on instagram.  The art sharing world in social media is a vulnerable and energetic place.  I had the poster done for a week, but I was hesitant to post it because I didn't want to inevitable up and down of emotions that come when you put your important things up for literally thousands of people to respond to. People are so kind though.  Remember that.  They are busy, and steering their own ships over choppy waters.  For so many people, the receiving end of social media flicks by in seconds, while you, as the originator of a post see the results all the day, continually.  Be kind to yourself.  And also, you might fail.  Learn to be fine with that.  Dust yourself off, take a bow, start up again, or don't for a while, and then feel alright about that too.

Having a tough skin is part of being and artist and entrepreneur, it has to be.  I've spent a lot of time in my life, or rather my work has, in front of people.  People whose job it is to critique with great honesty.  So, so much of it has been rejected.  I often don't know how to keep the score between rejections and wins, but I'm sure there have been more formal rejections than wins.  Acceptances outside of the formal category (acceptances to journals, book deals, sales, etc...) can be counted differently, and really, that can simply depend on your attitude. 

I went from a BFA in studio art in my undergrad, where the majority of our time was spent talking about one another's work, both the successes and failures, then I moved onto an MFA in Creative writing, where again, a good portion of time was spent putting my work forward and getting feedback.  It is both exhausting and confusing, while also necessary and refining.  One of my professors gave the great advice of just picking the one or two voices out of the group that you trust and know that you're on the same page with and only listen to them and do your best to be polite, but discard the other voices.  I've found that to be entirely necessary because everyone has something to say if you ask them, sometimes even if you don't, but it's not always useful to internalize all those voices.  How could you?  You would be left with a lifeless object that is trying to be a hundred things to hundred people.  I've found that every so often, it is imperative for me to sift through the voices, tossing some aside, while putting others in a keep pile, until I find my own.  The voice that is mine, that can answer to me why I do any of what I do is sometimes hiding or lost, but you will know it when you find it, you'll find that it is as refined and familiar as the palm of your own hand.  

So, in regards to my Brave Women Poster.  I put it up because it's been an important project to me. I don't consider the poster the final product, but a first and necessary step.  I'd already tried and failed several different attempts at this same project, and so I knew I needed to at least get something concrete.  I have to mentally prepare myself each time I do a project.  I have to dig my heels in real deep and tell myself that I am doing this because in my heart of hearts, in that intuition that has proven genuine, this is what I feel I should do. And then I have to work and work, and being willing to start over. Of course there is always the hope that people will immediately grab onto my project and care about it as much as I do, but how could they?  They have their own hills to climb, their own flowers to plant at the top.  The sea of social media and online business-hood can be real rough water.  It can be validating and celebratory and then terribly disappointing, within the span of two days.  We have to choose the severity of our response on either end. 

To be fair, I've been open so far, so I'll continue, at the risk of being too honest.  It was inspiring to me to see the response to the first post and giveaway of the poster.  Women were tagging each other with uplifting words and I was happy and surprised to see a positive response and I am literally almost always planning for my ideas to flop, or fall flat in the real world.  I felt good about all of the hours spent researching, drawing, painting and designing.  It seemed, for a day or two like maybe I was right in doing the thing I knew could never be fad, a business that would be laughed to shreds on Shark Tank because it's just not cool, or cute and it requires effort on the part of the viewer/buyer.  I felt energetic to keep working.  Then, as promised, I put up the winners for the giveaway and a coupon code to purchase the poster, and the response was a quiet field.  The auditorium full of women I had imagined in my head seemed to be still or on lunch break.  To be expected! and not the fault, unkindness or insincerity of anyone!  This I must remind myself.  Building something takes time.  Go easy.  Do not get sad and quit.  This mantra, though akin to a second grade poster on a classroom wall, is one that I have to repeat to myself often, because it is a real temptation.  Tonight I wanted to eat cupcakes and watch mindless T.V. because I felt listless and pathetic, and I halfway did that (half a cupcake, half a show).  Tomorrow, I will get up and try again.  I will keep working because when I think of my two babies, Remy and Thea, I want them to see a happy mom who is charting the waters with bravery, even if feigned at times.  I have the women i have researched and painted who seem to say thank you for caring enough to ask about them.  I have to talk to myself and say, do not get sad and quit.  There is a reason in all of this, you will come upon it like an unexpected field of wildflowers someday, sooner or later, I'm not sure.